


And Schnitzel with Noodles

by orphan_account



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Christmas fic, M/M, ZR Secret Santa, happy holidays!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 06:26:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/606814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Secret Santa gift for MaCawly, who requested Jack/Eugene stuff, which I assumed meant horribly sappy holiday cliches, only with zombies.)</p>
<p>Jack tries to figure out a gift, Maxine kicks ass at card games, and Eugene just wants to finish reading The Night Before Christmas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Schnitzel with Noodles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MaCawly](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=MaCawly).



> God bless the ZR fandom. Really. You guys are fantastic. MaCawly, please enjoy (you all are free to enjoy as well), thanks to Yuutfa for organizing, and happy holidays!

"... And all through the house," Eugene read, to a solemnly silent Molly, positioned at his side, "not a creature was stirring, not even a-"

"Zom," Jack interrupts, popping up from behind the couch. Eugene and Molly turn and give him nearly identical frowns. "What? That should be good news."

"It doesn't rhyme," Eugene points out.

"Free verse, love. It's a thing. Anyway, I need to talk to you."

Eugene indicates Molly, who's starting to pout in a mildly alarming way and nudge at his side. Jack shrugs. "I'll wait." A grin. "Maybe help you out with some of the less modern bits."

"You can go fix Janine's radio," Eugene says, reopening the book. "And I'll meet you in the quad in ten minutes, okay?"

Molly's pout is outshone by Jack's almost immediately, but Eugene ignores him. He hears Jack padding away as he reads, "... not even a mouse."

xxx

"I needed to ask you what you wanted."

Eugene blinks at him. "What?"

Jack rolls his eyes. "What you wanted," he repeats, slowly, overemphasising every word.

"For... the holidays?" Eugene says, shifting his weight from one crutch to the other.

"No, moron, for your great-aunt Anita's wedding anniversary."

"Oh," Eugene said, "in that case, a nice pair of silk gloves would be lovely." He shrugs. "You really-"

"If you say I don't need to get you anything, I'm going to punch you in the face," Jack says. "Come on. I've found something for everyone else by now."

"No, I've found something for everyone else," Eugene says. "Putting your name next to mine on the tag does not mean you contributed."

"Hey," Jack argues, "I was the one who said we ought to give up the knitting needle knives so we could give them to Jody. That's contribution."

"That's common sense. But I will admit that those were yours. So, fair enough."

"You're trying to distract me," Jack says, flicking at Eugene's nose in a way that makes his eyes and nose crinkle. "I need to know what I-"

"Listen," Eugene says, very seriously. "Jack."

Jack waits.

"If you don't get me the first five seasons of Friends," Eugene says, slowly and carefully, "you're dead to me."

And then he crutches himself away with the grace of an heiress.

xxx

Jack has to give it to him, he only hears him crack up after the door swings shut.

"Maybe you could get him flowers," Jody muses, looking over the cards in her hand. "Flowers are nice."

Jack gives her a look. She looks up, scowls, and says something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like, "Well, I'm getting him flowers."

"You could replace his crutches," Five says, and Sam nods absently, surveying his hand. "We have, like, a surplus of unnecessary crutches, and his are getting kind of shitty."

"That would be like giving a diabetic insulin shots for Christmas," Jack says. "He'll be replacing them himself soon anyway."

Maxine nods. "There are some new CDs coming in," she says. "You can go through them, see if it's anything he likes."

"Thanks, Doc," Jack says, and sighs. His hand is really awful, and by the way Sam's poker face is cracking, he can tell at least one person has him beat.

"It's hard to get people gifts this year," Evan says, graciously pretending like he can't see Jody peeking at his cards. "But we've got a couple gift-centric runs going out this week. Is there anything specific you think he might-"

"No," Jack says, "because the bloody git won't tell me what he wants, will he?"

The girls make sympathetic noises that make him feel slightly emasculated.

"Come on," Maxine says, soothingly. "He loves you, Jack. I'm sure anything you get him will make him happy."

Well, that would have been a great line if this were A Christmas Story, but it's December 15th and Jack isn't relying on love to satisfy while the zombie apocalypse is rampaging on.

His brooding silence appears to end the conversation, and everyone finally puts down their cards.

Sam has trip queens, but Maxine cleans everyone out with a full house and wins three water bottles, a sweater, and a bag of Sour Skittles.

xxx

"Dr. Myers has asked me to remind those participating in the Secret Santa gift exchange to remember to have all perishables checked with her before you wrap them," Eugene says, shuffling the papers in front of the microphone, mostly for effect. "And that concludes today's news. Now, for your listening entertainment, Jack is going to do his own rendition of Jingle Bells for you all."

It might be Jack's imagination, but he swears he hears agonised shouts coming from outside.

"Dashing through the snoooow," he croons, "on a one-horse open sleeeeiiiigh..."

He makes it to the second chorus before Eugene cracks up, and almost to the finale before returning runners start throwing things at the shack.

xxx

December 24th isn't the fiasco everyone assumed it would be. In fact, nobody died and only three people got food poisoning.

"I actually kind of like it," Sam says, running his hands up and down the scarf he received from his Secret Santa (who, not surprisingly, turned out to be Jody.) "It's very warm and... colourful."

Runner Five laughs, tugging her new jacket around her more securely. "It's nice," she says. "You ought to be proud."

She looks over towards the hall, winces, and turns back. "Whoever put up the mistletoe needs to be hunted down and shot."

Sam looks offended. "I put up the mistletoe."

She jerks her head towards where Jack and Eugene are making out filthily beneath the door frame. Sam follows the direction and his eyebrows go up. "How are they breathing?"

"Beats me," she says. "Anyway, come on. I think Simon's going to break out the sugar cookies and eggnog he and Maggie have been hiding."

Sam pulls her off the couch so fast he nearly lifts her off her feet.

xxx

It's late when Eugene finds himself dragged onto the roof, late enough that they probably won't get yelled at. Everyone's too drunk or too good-spirited or both by this point to care why Jack and Eugene are sitting on the edge of the quad's roof, their legs dangling over the side.

"So," Jack says, "not the worst Christmas Eve possible, yeah?"

"I'm thrilled, actually," Eugene says. "How on earth did Simon know I've always wanted the Celine Dion Greatest Hits album?"

Jack bumps him with his shoulder. "All right, sarcasm pants, easy there."

Eugene grins. His nose is turning pink in the cold, and his arms are crossed tightly around his chest.

"It could've been a lot worse," he concedes.

"Come on," Jack says. "First Christmas together and that's all you've got for me?"

Eugene gives him a sideways glance for a minute, then turns his head and kisses Jack, sweet and soft. "Okay," he says, against Jack's mouth. "It was pretty good."

"Pretty good?" Jack says, pressing a hand to his chest in a marvellous imitation of being affronted. "Pretty good? This was a fabulous zombie Christmas, Eugene Woods, and you know it. In fact-"

A solitary snowflake falls from the sky, lands on the tip of Eugene's officially pink nose, and promptly melts. They both stare for a moment, Eugene going slightly cross-eyed, until a few more fall and land in Jack's hair.

Then Eugene breaks out smiling- a full, toothy smile that takes up all his face and makes Jack's heart ache just that little bit. "No way," he says. "No way."

And just as Jack is about to open his mouth to respond that he had absolutely nothing to do with this- which is actually true, last time Jack checked he had no control over the weather- Eugene kisses him with such force and eagerness that they both fall over.

They spend the rest of the evening kissing as the snow comes down and throwing poorly aimed snowballs at the zombies milling around outside the gates.

xxx

How Jack managed to obtain the first, third, and fourth seasons of Friends, Eugene will never know. He doesn't ask, because between the laughter and and the kissing, it would've been a waste of breath.


End file.
